NYSC Camp and Other Related Things

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It was always fun watching these guys doing whatever in the courtyard. Photo credit: hotelsng

Hey guys! Long time, no post yeah? Sorry, not sorry. Anyway, I just realised I never posted about my NYSC camp experience and I decided to fix up. I obviously can’t remember what actually happened because my memory is short it was over a year ago so I got a few friends who just got shipped keke-ed off to just send in something about the day they are having and they have been too kind to me.

So, I will be posting the stuff the send me and I’ll probably post once in three days, I think, with updates on what is going on. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I am enjoying it.


Day 1

“NYSC camp issa madness” – Aminah, Rivers State Camp.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FREAKING QUEUE???” – Femi, Ogun State Camp.

Bonus #FreeGoodAdvice from Aminah; Don’t go to camp.


Day 2

“Platoon Commadant: MORALE!

Corpers: HIGH!

Me: Can I just go home?” – Aminah, Rivers State Camp

“Apparently, they think we love standing.” – Femi, Ogun State Camp


Day 3

“Someone was having her bath and her torch was stolen through the back of the window.” – Aminah, Rivers State Camp

“Red Cross is bae.” – Femi, Ogun State Camp

“We exercised to Wande Coal’s Iskaba this morning.” – Nnamdi, Lagos State Camp


LOL. I am super excited to hear more stuff from people everyday. Despite the fact that I was in the Lagos camp which is considered pretty chill, I remember how awful my first few days were and how I couldn’t wait for it to be all over.

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This was my face after two hours in camp on my first day.

Thanks for reading guys! Laters!

Abiola.

 

Pregnant With A Chance Of Jollof Rice

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I watched Kemi walk excitedly towards me over the top of my glasses. It was one of those incredibly hot and uncomfortable days and I had somehow slouched in my seat in a bid to relax and at the same time, free my hands to fan myself. I was already too lazy to push my glasses back up my oily nose so I knew there was no way I would sit up and match Kemi’s excitement.

“Why are you looking like this? What is wrong with you?” Kemi came at me loud and fast, swatting my hand and displacing my hand fan. It’s like the girl does not know she used to shout. I shook my head to indicate nothing was terribly wrong, it was just the heat destroying my life.

“I have gist for you oh.” Kemi bounced on the edge of the seat, cracking her knuckles. It was bound to be interesting stuff but I knew Kemi well, it could be that she found a place where they sell slippers for 300 naira or a canteen where they serve ofada before 7:30.

“Oya what happened?” I retrieved my fan and turned to face her. The key to getting Kemi to finishing her gist on time is paying her 100% attention when she’s talking.

“Your best friend has broken up with Tayo oh.” Kemi was only calling Tayo’s now ex-boyfriend my best friend cause she knew how much I disliked him. I hissed internally. What kind of useless gist is this now? All my hopes of eating free food in Tayo’s room for the rest of the week had just been banished. All I had now was a week of listening to her cry and be depressing. I had been waiting for an opportunity to tell her how useless the boy is anyway but I cannot even be wasting my saliva as I can’t afford to buy food at this time of the month.

“But that is not even the most important gist.” Kemi’s eyes widened dramatically as she paused for effect. “I heard you are now pregnant!”

I laughed. Yeah, with jollof rice. Awon ode.

Lol. I saw this on twitter yesterday and I was thinking about how me this is and this story was born (get it?). Haha. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Laters babies!

Abiola.

 

Twenty/Sixteen

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  1. NYSC
  2. Which is a total struggle btw.
  3. You will not believe I got to CDS late the other day and the woman wrote LATE in my card. Excuse me ma, did you walk a flooded street in your white sneakers and wet socks under a measly umbrella in the rain to get here? Did your bus driver tell you to get down in the middle of the journey because he is not going again IN THE RAIN? I think not.
  4. No money.
  5. Which is something I don’t understand. If you know what my life is like, you will understand why I am not understanding.
  6. Haha. I remember now. It is Hans and Rene. That is where I finish my money.
  7. Their Malted Milk flavour is a blessing.
  8. FitFam. HAHAHAHAHA. Refer to number 6 in case you don’t understand why I am laughing.
  9. Sorry about the belly fat.
  10. Work work work work work work.
  11. Which reminds me, if you have perfect vision, I don’t really like you.
  12. I have learnt a lot lately and it’s wonderful.
  13. Also, I am still lazy.
  14. Everything is figureoutable abi isn’t that what you cool kids are saying now.
  15. Well, me I don’t know oh. I am still trying to figure out my life.
  16. Still a sister of Our Lady of Perpetual Loneliness.
  17. I have become such an adult oh. Clap for me. I now like to do adult things like sleep every chance I get (wait, I already used to do this) and eat the rice at home.
  18. Work-life balance. What is that?
  19. Friendssss. Grateful for you guys.
  20. I am still trying to get right with Jesus so remember to pray for me.
  21. 21 in a few months. Hayy, I am getting old oh.
  22. Stay gracious.

This post was inspired by Twenty-Something on abikeayeye.com

Much love,

Abiola.

Emergency! System Failure!

Note: This post is about shits so if you are feeling one kind or you are Beyonce and only glitter comes out when you go number 2, then this post is not for you. But sha, if you roam around this pot for a while, you might find something else you might enjoy reading. Happy reading!

The human body is ah-mazing. Like how did God make make something this incredible? The systems and the way everything is connected is just so fascinating. I mean I was eating the other day and I could feel the pepper in my ears. And there was that time I blew rice out of my nose. It really is such a wawuu. And you know how when you have catarrh, you start to remember all the times you didn’t have catarrh and you didn’t thank God for that so you wallow in self pity and tissue paper and promise to always thank God for good health? Good health and zero discomfort is everything. But it is the digestive system or whatever system it is that deals with shits that I don’t understand. Like you can just be going on your own, having a wonderful day and allovasudin you start shivering and sweating and you JUST have to find a toilet. Excuse me, what if I am in the middle of nowhere? HOW SWAY?

Having stomach trouble has to be top ten worst things in the world. It can almost drive you crazy. I remember one time in secondary school, Mrs. Lamidi asked me to clean the board and I shook my head no. Man, I couldn’t even talk, I just shook my head. Me that I was managing to hold myself, you now want me to stand up. LOL. Nope. It is just so disrespectful that your own body can do that to you. I think all the embarrassing moments in my life all have something to do with my body failing me. Anywho, in order to avoid more touching stories, I decided to learn a few tips about preventing such occurrences which I will now share with you;

  • Try as much as possible to not eat foods you’re allergic to. If you’re allergic to a particular type of food and you keep eating it, you are not doing your mommy, you’re doing yourself.
  • If you’re not comfortable with how something was cooked, don’t eat it.
  • Cook your food properly and make sure to use clean water.
  • You might want to cut down on dairy products if you consume a lot of those.
  • If you’re traveling or going somewhere without good toilets, use the bathroom before leaving home.
  • Carry medication around. These thing can just pop up on you at any time so it’s best to have some medication you can take in case it’s serious diarrhea.

There are other tips and stuff but I am not wikiHow. Lol. Please don’t forget to share your embarrassing body failure stories with me in the comments section. Thanks for reading babies.

Laters!

Abiola.

 

The Very Very Big Short

Note; If you want to learn about the 2008 financial crisis in a fun way, The Big Short is the way to go. Plus there were fine ass people in the movie so you stay winning.

Also, if you think that this post will make much sense, let me tell you now that it won’t. So, don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Now to the actual post.

A lot has happened since the last time I was here, I went to NYSC camp oh but that is story for another day. Right now, I just want to take a moment to talk about 2016. LIKE WHATSFGGYHTGUHJBYFTRDYJUJLJIOJ?! Do you guys remember how unbelievably long January was? And we talked about how we needed it to just end so we could start 2016 again? Well, that was just the beginning. June is not over yet and this year already needs to spend a couple of nights in rice.

Just this morning, I woke up to Brexit, because I am always sleeping and playing Candy Crush, I had no idea there was even something like that going on. Edakun, what were they thinking? Anyway, my own country is here so why am I taking Panadol for someone else’s headache? Earlier this week, I was seeing something like Zenith Bank was kneeling down for Fayose and Mama Aisha fired shots at this same Fayose on twitter, our favorite senator Oga Bruce is owing AMCON and so they have taken over Silverbird Galleria, are we in a cartoon for gods sake? Some useless people are stealing funds directed at IDPs, so people are out there starving and one Nollywood person came to come and be shouting amoshine. Like wow. I need to do my own referendum so y’all can vote me out of this country but I no dey go UK and not US because it is looking like that Trump guy might actually win. So, what is this life really coming to?

Anywho, I’m sure this why God gave us food and the ability to close our eyes and sleep cause that is what I am about to go and do.

Laters babies!

Abiola.

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

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As you grow older, you start to realise that people have all sorts of problems. They have so many things to deal with and it’s not just you. It’s a little bit scary and you’re a little bit grateful that you’re not dealing with what some others are dealing with But it doesn’t diminish what you’re dealing with. I am dealing with and have dealt with a lot of things by myself and for myself because it’s hard when you’re not the expressive type and it’s even harder when people expect you to just be “okay”. You’re supposed to react the normal way; you’re supposed to be feeling how everyone else is feeling. But what if I am not? If I told you how I really feel, would you understand? Would you not judge me? Would you even listen to me? I don’t know, so I don’t try. I deal the way I know how to and you can decide if you like it or not.

So, maybe you shouldn’t put so much faith in me, maybe you shouldn’t trust me so much, maybe I am trying as hard as I can or maybe I’m not trying at all. Maybe it’s all you.

Maybe it’s me.

The NYSC Starter Pack

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This might actually be me.

I have dreaded and I still dread a lot of things in this life but NYSC orientation camp is probably number one. Why are there so many people there? How many of them will I have to live it? What are the sleeping arrangements like? Bathroom nko? What if your body fails you? Or your period comes out of nowhere? What happens then? What will we be eating? Are we going to die? So many questions, guys, so many questions. I hoped that by the time I was done with school NYSC would no longer be a thing but here we are, camp is in a few weeks and I am still not mentally or anyhow-lly prepared. Anywho, I asked a few people what their camp experience was like and how they got through those three weeks and now we have what I refer to as THE NYSC STARTER PACK. Enjoy!
1. Money: If you do not want to die, please take money. This depends on your income obviously but you definitely have to have money to get through camp. Some camps are more expensive than others so just take what you can and hope and pray it’s enough and it doesn’t get stolen.
2. Sunglasses: If you already live here, you know I don’t have to say much more.
3. Documents and passport photographs: Do not forget any of your documents and your passport photos please. Get a clear file and make photocopies and put them somewhere accessible. These are super important and you probably will not be able to get anything done without them.
4. Call – Up Letter: This is also very very important. Make photocopies and do not laminate your call up letter.
5. White shirts and shorts: You have to have a few shirts and shorts. This is the basic camp outfit and you might want to come with extras.
6. White socks and Tennis shoes: NYSC does give these things but it is always better to come with extras.
7. Fanny Pack: I hate fanny packs. I think they look ridiculous but who cares? We will all be wearing it together. Lol. You need this to keep your things safe – phone, money, keys. Btw, I know someone who makes awesome denim fanny packs at incredible prices. Check out his IG – @kvng_adetona or leave a comment if you need to reach him.
8. Disinfectant: Super important to have some Dettol or something because water and other related sturvs.
9. Mosquito net: Because we are obviously not trying to go back home sick with battered skin.
10. Imodium: If your body, like mine, has no respect for you or anyone for that matter, bruh you need to get that Imodium and some Flagyl because body can just fail at anytime mehn. Get some other basic meds like painkillers, allergy medicine and ointment for skin troubles just to be safe.
11. Disposable underwear: YUP.
12. Pillow, Bedsheets and Pillow case: if you don’t feel the need to travel with these, I guess they are things you can buy at camp.
13. Torchlight: You might need this incase you need to use the bathroom at an odd time or whatever and because we are not working in NEPA.
14. Power Bank: I really don’t know what the situation is like but you should totally get one.
15. Plate, Spoon, Cup and Cutlery
16. FOOD: You could get some cereals, garri, biscuits, Nutri – C and stuff like that to help get through those weeks.

You guys should check out http://www.naijacorpers.net for some other things you can add to the list.
You might also want to start doing some squat jumps to get your body ready. I hope you guys have a great time at camp!
Don’t forget to share and leave your comments in the comment section!
Abiola.